Civility vs Rancor

Post from http://www.danieluk.net

The lack of civility that caused a marriage to break down in the first place often increases exponentially during the course of a litigated divorce, frequently resulting in emotional and financial devastation for the parties. Everyone suffers; everyone is targeted, including the children, those unwitting beneficiaries of the bad behavior of “grownups.” Otherwise intelligent, loving, and responsible parents willingly and regularly exhibit such hostility and inappropriate behavior in the presence of their children that there cannot help but be indelible emotional marks sustained by these children; marks that they will likely pass on to the next generation, all because the trend or disease of incivility has taken hold.

While this lack of civility is truly an indictment of our society where people typically treat strangers on the street with a greater degree of civility than that extended to their own spouses or children, the challenge here is to adopt one consistent code of conduct, irrespective of whether speaking to the attorney, the soon to be ex-spouse, the client, opposing counsel or the judge. Years of divorce practice, not to mention pure logic, would suggest that the same results can be reached far more quickly, less painfully and less expensively simply by choosing to behave in a courteous manner. Massachusetts Divorce mediationis a method and avenue to achieve these ends.

Merits of the institution of marriage. Marriage, whether it by way of a religious codification or a civil ceremony, has long been the foundation of our society. The institution of marriage is one that continues to persevere despite the sobering statistics of failed attempts and is equally cherished by those for whom such a union has only recently become available; the gay community. So long as the concept of marriage continues to be valued, the reality of divorce remains Rancor.

It is impossible to quantify the tremendous pain associated with a divorce or the communication blockages created by feelings of betrayal and how all of this impedes individuals’ abilities to amicably resolve disputes. However, if armed with the appropriate tools, it is possible to consider designing a graceful exit strategy. The heart of this concept relies on appropriate behavior, better communication and a commitment to implement a better process.

Civility has to be preferential to the rancor and tension from which people typically suffer while in the midst of a litigated divorce. Such rancor has elevated to the point where court personnel and attorneys are always on notice with respect to potentially dangerous situations, including those applicable to the physical layout of courthouses. In one probate and family courthouse, for example, where there is an open floor plan and multiple levels, court officers are instructed to maintain a visible presence in the atrium area where one disgruntled party may be tempted to push the other over a balcony. The film, War of the Roses, while ostensibly fiction, is an apt portrayal of the tension, rancor and pain people often experience during the process of divorce. But it does not need to be this way. There are some who, while in the throes of a divorce, are able to sit down and talk out their issues, not for the purpose of reconciling but in order to devise a plan to sufficiently divide their property and settle their financial and custodial issues. The common denominators in these cases are productive communication and a desire to simply end the wrangling. Most often, however, this “settlement” occurs in the eleventh hour at a time when the divorce is about to go to trial and the parties are finally motivated to put an end to the litigation because if they don’t, the judge will, and only after both parties have incurred substantially increased legal fees. Often by this time, the parties are not only financially depleted, but have also exhausted most of their emotional capital. This type of collaboration does not need to stem from financial and emotional desperation but can be chosen at the onset of a divorce action. Massachusetts Divorce mediation bypasses the emotional dumping ground by channeling peoples energies into constructive communication.

For more information regarding Divorce mediation in MA, please visit Familylawmediationgroup.com

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